an intro that will never be published:.

The book proposal was titled "How Youth Ministry Jumped the Shark"

Here's the intro...
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Introduction:
How Youth Ministry has Jumped the Shark

You do not want to read this book.


Put it down.

Quickly. You might be spotted.


Don’t panic.


Gently, clandestinely, put it back on the shelf, so as not to draw attention to yourself. Pretend to be looking for books by Rice or Robbins or even McDowell. Then walk away.


Pretend it never happened.


This book was a gift?

Return it to the strange and generous person who gave it to you. It’s a Trojan horse, a virus. It’s not safe.

Reevaluate your friendships.
Garbage in, Garbage out they say.

Reconsider listening to the “friend” who gave you this book. Something may be wrong with them.
I’m not kidding.
This is not a ploy.

You don’t want to read the contents of this book. It might not be good for you.

I know, I know. Your friend warned you about me and how I’d warn you about her. This so-called friend still took the time to write down the title on the coffee jacket. Can you trust her? She works for a church.

This book will make you sick. Regret will come. Or anger. This is not another happy Christian book. You’ve been warned. Put it down.



[NEW PAGE]

Why you are still here? Didn’t I tell you this is not witty introduction or a lame excuse to grab your attention. The whole book will likely go on and on like this. Trust me. Don’t continue reading. You are nice. Too nice. A person like you doesn’t need this kind of abuse or backhanded mental games.

It’s not too late to return this book. Here’s a trick. Just get a bigger book, a heavy book like an old World Book Encyclopedia from the 80’s or an Unabridged Dictionary with a College Thesaurus and place it on top of this little one. Given enough pressure maybe the pages will lay flat. Leave it over night and then return it to the store. If you decide to read on, keep your Thesaurus handy, because you’ll need it for synonyms for words like catachrestic, fatuous, and churlish. I’ve never used those words before, but you’ll use them to describe me later. (Oh and these are pedestrian excuses for the author to sound intelligent while giving the reader intelligent ammo to unleash upon his head.) (What kind of author does this?)

When you return this book for store credit, or a refund, ask for the manager. You’ll recognize him because he’s got a comb-over. Or blue hair. Tell the manager that you can’t believe they sell “rubbish like this” in his Christian book store and that he shouldn’t like it either. Inform him of my comb-over remark. That will help you with your cause. If he still won’t listen, remind him how many copies The Purpose Driven Life, your church purchased from his shelves.

The guy who wrote this book is not stable. Sure, he lives in a suburban neighborhood outside Grand Rapids, but he never walks his dog and he isn’t a very good neighbor. Or friend. Or pastor. Don’t trust him. Look at the picture of the guy in the book. Happy. Or is it Smug? Nice guy? It’s hard to tell. I don’t know. He just doesn’t seem safe. Something’s not right.






[NEW PAGE]

And another thing…

God probably didn’t tell me to write this book. I made that decision myself. I think. He might have. I am not certain. Honestly, I can’t tell for sure. Think about it. I’ve whimsically switched back and forth between first and second person in this introduction without warning, or regard for the consequences. He’s/ I’m not a good writer.

Put...... the... book... down.....

Be safe.

Opt for comfort and convenience. I can’t be held responsible for what happens. Don’t blame God either. He didn’t get you in the mess you are in. Maybe he wants you to put this book down too.



“Don’t read this book.” Thus says the Lord.




Did you believe me when I said that? Do you believe anyone who does? If I meant it would you still read on? If so. Burn this book with your neighbor’s Harry Potter library.

The author doesn’t know you. He would say he cares about your ministry. Most days he might. Some he doesn’t.



Some Advice on How to read this Book
1. You might be asking questions at this point about the author. Is he angry? Or is he Artsy? Is he just a cynical burnout that blasts everything as he sits high upon his perch of arrogance, bitterness and self-righteousness. Did he have a bad church experience? Is he reacting rather than responding? Is he a wounded idealist?
2. Or. Is he an artist, writing in a style seldom seen within Christian publishing circles? Is his style of writing indicative of his character or is this book a creative expression in and of itself attempting to say something else.
3. This is not a book on a better way. The author may actually write one thing but believe something else. He may in one breath declare that he’s not trying to create a better way, while unfairly generalizing and critique another without explanation.
4. This book is a catalyst. It is written to make you think and sometimes react.
5. This book contains gross generalizations. These are not absolutes for you and your youth ministry. However, It would behoove you greatly, not to quickly write off many of these hyperbolic statements as not pertaining to you. Because they might.
6. It’s best not to listen to the Commadors when you’ve just broken up with your girlfriend. It has nothing to do with the book. But it’s good advice the Author wanted to throw in somehow.
7. In fact, Lionel Richie should be avoided during a break up as well. Especially, Dancing on the Ceiling.
8. This is a book written to my friends in youth ministry, who courageously, with great risk to their person and reputation, lay down their lives in obedience to God. I am in awe of your faith, hope and love. I have much to learn from you.


This is a book to my friends who dare to imagine a life with adolescents beyond our traditional assumptions, trendy catch phrases or models. This is a book to encourage my friends who continue to challenge the status quo, who are so bold in their convictions and calling that they will drop popular understandings of youth ministry, bad organizational habits, poor thinking, laziness and the gravitational pull of a tradition, all to follow Jesus. There is beauty in obedience and this book is written to my fellow youth workers who are painting faithfulness with the brush of their lives, on the canvas called the kingdom of God. My prayer is that you will remain centered in your relationship with God, and continue blessing the church with the dreams God has given you. The church needs your voice. To the youth pastor who dares to imagine an alternative reality within the church where grace and teens abound; To the pastors who see teens as priceless, a commodity in the kingdom worth redemption and great sacrifice. I am in awe of your faith, hope and love. I have much to learn from you.