Pastors or Prostitutes (2000)
Wow. I'm gonna start off with a doozy. I wrote this post 10 years ago and I'd describe it as a purge. I wrote it shortly after leaving a large church and taking a 9 month sabbatical from professional ministry. I'd been a youth pastor my entire adult life and could not tell the difference between Mark Riddle the adult human being who follows Christ and Mark Riddle the Youth Pastor who was paid to go to church. I was personally struggling with everything involving the church and theology. I woke one night during my sabbatical at 2am and started writing.
This post is brutal, attempting to be honest, and intimate. I didn't know if I believed what I was writing, but I wrote it anyway. I didn't know what others would think, but I shortly after writing it, I posted it on a website discussion board (all the rage back then) and got feedback. The writings of Eugene Peterson were helping me reconstruct and deconstruct my soul and my vocation. In one of his books, he uses the word prostitute in reference to pastors and for whatever reason, it hit me that morning at 2am. Jesus as an enhancement to my life was based on something Mike Yaconnelli had said to me once.
As I re-read this I can see that I'm really questioning myself at the time and what I've given myself to. The tone hits me a bit sideways, but there some things in here I need to be reminded of. However, I'm glad I'm not personally in this deconstructive time like I was then. I still deconstruct, but I feel like I'm building more things now. or i hope I am.
I can't believe I'm doing this little decade project, but here goes. Unedited as originally wrote it. I'm crazy nervous about sharing this again. Feeling a bit vulnerable.
Feel free to let me know what you think, but this is for me to see and reflect on my journey. I hope it's helpful though.
Tomorrow's Post: The Christian Bookstore
==========================================================================
Warning: prostitutes might feel offended by constant references to being like pastors.
So are you a pastor or a prostitute? Seems like an obvious enough question. Maybe not. Have you ever substituted prayer and spiritual depth for programs and religious activity. Simply keeping the people we're charged to lead to the Most High busy, is the job of a prostitute pastor.
Sacrificing self, calling, and private devotion for the golden calf of religiosity that amounts to idolatrous (worship of things or people other than God) and adulterous (cheating on our true love) activities. All in exchange for money. (stop giving them what they want and you'll find yourself looking for a new place of employment).
Most pastor prostitutes make the choice to sell themselves. Many were hired to get the job done, quite simply because they could. They put together resumes about how they will "make things happen." They are interviewed about how many activities they will have, what they will look like and how many people will attend. I've been there. I've sold myself. Hey.. It's exciting, there's a certain thrill. If I make enough things happen, satisfy enough folks, soon you're perceived to be a great pastor. But I wasn't a great pastor. I was a great programmer. I was a great speaker. I always had the right answer for people's problems. Soon enough I was thinking, "I'll be like God".....not that I noticed my completely flawed theology, or my utterly ridiculous stance.. But I had fallen into what many pastors fall into.. First innocently speaking and leading people toward God...then deep down thinking I might be like God.
At some point living in this "one country under God" we have become "one country under god" (ie.me). We are the consumer church. The Bride is no longer seeking the groom... it is now seeking self glorification veiled in vigorous religious activity for the self-improvement of it's multitudes.
While pastors across this "great country" are getting themselves off to programs they have created "to the glory of god," others develop a sort of "program envy" wishing that their program was as big and aspiring as First willowback, saddlecreek or over there on mars hill. Though we may not have started this "towering idol" of consumerism we all fall into it and I would venture to say... none of us truly has any idea how deep we are in.
My friends suggest we are all in deeper than we think. We perpetuate all this self-indulgence consumer crap in most of what we do. We ask "what makes our church unique to this city?" as our Ikea-congregations are trying to figure out which local "building-based group of people who call themselves Christians" best represents me as a person, we are well on our way to helping folks categorize themselves away into superficial oblivion. ...I drive a $50,000 Range Rover because I like the idea of being perceived as an outdoorsman, heaven forbid, I drive a mini-van... I own a $375 North Face Gortex though I only ski once or twice a year, it promotes the idea that I'm an outdoorsman... though I never camp... that's what I think of myself.... I go to ________ Church because it will make me a better businessman, and my kids the homecoming queen and football captain. Jesus is a great enhancement into my almost complete life.
Pastors forsake Christ and following him, for lots of people being busy in the church, and a whole lot of rules and slogans like "church should be fun" or "Jesus is cool"...try telling a Christian in Sudan either of these completely bogus lines of sh*t. I'm tired of youth pastors prostituting themselves to parents for a "fine religious education." Most of them are young enough to sense they're selling out. I'm tired of arrogant evangelical pastors seeking to have people with perfect theology, teaching propositional truths based on poor hermeneutics or sheer laziness. Demons have good theology and the "morning star" knows the scripture better than any student enrolled in the newest bible bowl competition. But many ministers still get a "theological woody" at the Platonic idea that education changes behavior. But why would anyone not do what the people of the congregation want. I mean after all we are here to serve them.. would you like fries with that sir? "am i buggin you.... don't mean to bug ya" - bono
This post is brutal, attempting to be honest, and intimate. I didn't know if I believed what I was writing, but I wrote it anyway. I didn't know what others would think, but I shortly after writing it, I posted it on a website discussion board (all the rage back then) and got feedback. The writings of Eugene Peterson were helping me reconstruct and deconstruct my soul and my vocation. In one of his books, he uses the word prostitute in reference to pastors and for whatever reason, it hit me that morning at 2am. Jesus as an enhancement to my life was based on something Mike Yaconnelli had said to me once.
As I re-read this I can see that I'm really questioning myself at the time and what I've given myself to. The tone hits me a bit sideways, but there some things in here I need to be reminded of. However, I'm glad I'm not personally in this deconstructive time like I was then. I still deconstruct, but I feel like I'm building more things now. or i hope I am.
I can't believe I'm doing this little decade project, but here goes. Unedited as originally wrote it. I'm crazy nervous about sharing this again. Feeling a bit vulnerable.
Feel free to let me know what you think, but this is for me to see and reflect on my journey. I hope it's helpful though.
Tomorrow's Post: The Christian Bookstore
==========================================================================
Warning: prostitutes might feel offended by constant references to being like pastors.
So are you a pastor or a prostitute? Seems like an obvious enough question. Maybe not. Have you ever substituted prayer and spiritual depth for programs and religious activity. Simply keeping the people we're charged to lead to the Most High busy, is the job of a prostitute pastor.
Sacrificing self, calling, and private devotion for the golden calf of religiosity that amounts to idolatrous (worship of things or people other than God) and adulterous (cheating on our true love) activities. All in exchange for money. (stop giving them what they want and you'll find yourself looking for a new place of employment).
Most pastor prostitutes make the choice to sell themselves. Many were hired to get the job done, quite simply because they could. They put together resumes about how they will "make things happen." They are interviewed about how many activities they will have, what they will look like and how many people will attend. I've been there. I've sold myself. Hey.. It's exciting, there's a certain thrill. If I make enough things happen, satisfy enough folks, soon you're perceived to be a great pastor. But I wasn't a great pastor. I was a great programmer. I was a great speaker. I always had the right answer for people's problems. Soon enough I was thinking, "I'll be like God".....not that I noticed my completely flawed theology, or my utterly ridiculous stance.. But I had fallen into what many pastors fall into.. First innocently speaking and leading people toward God...then deep down thinking I might be like God.
At some point living in this "one country under God" we have become "one country under god" (ie.me). We are the consumer church. The Bride is no longer seeking the groom... it is now seeking self glorification veiled in vigorous religious activity for the self-improvement of it's multitudes.
While pastors across this "great country" are getting themselves off to programs they have created "to the glory of god," others develop a sort of "program envy" wishing that their program was as big and aspiring as First willowback, saddlecreek or over there on mars hill. Though we may not have started this "towering idol" of consumerism we all fall into it and I would venture to say... none of us truly has any idea how deep we are in.
My friends suggest we are all in deeper than we think. We perpetuate all this self-indulgence consumer crap in most of what we do. We ask "what makes our church unique to this city?" as our Ikea-congregations are trying to figure out which local "building-based group of people who call themselves Christians" best represents me as a person, we are well on our way to helping folks categorize themselves away into superficial oblivion. ...I drive a $50,000 Range Rover because I like the idea of being perceived as an outdoorsman, heaven forbid, I drive a mini-van... I own a $375 North Face Gortex though I only ski once or twice a year, it promotes the idea that I'm an outdoorsman... though I never camp... that's what I think of myself.... I go to ________ Church because it will make me a better businessman, and my kids the homecoming queen and football captain. Jesus is a great enhancement into my almost complete life.
Pastors forsake Christ and following him, for lots of people being busy in the church, and a whole lot of rules and slogans like "church should be fun" or "Jesus is cool"...try telling a Christian in Sudan either of these completely bogus lines of sh*t. I'm tired of youth pastors prostituting themselves to parents for a "fine religious education." Most of them are young enough to sense they're selling out. I'm tired of arrogant evangelical pastors seeking to have people with perfect theology, teaching propositional truths based on poor hermeneutics or sheer laziness. Demons have good theology and the "morning star" knows the scripture better than any student enrolled in the newest bible bowl competition. But many ministers still get a "theological woody" at the Platonic idea that education changes behavior. But why would anyone not do what the people of the congregation want. I mean after all we are here to serve them.. would you like fries with that sir? "am i buggin you.... don't mean to bug ya" - bono
Labels: decade
posted by mark at
6:45 AM
4 Comments:
This could be the first time I've ever heard the term "theological woody"
good, and powerful post, Mark.
It's posts like this that remind me I'm not crazy. Funny thing about it is that it also gives me hope for the "profession" of pastor as well as the actual ministry of those given the heart and gifts to pastor.
Nice Bono quote.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home