Today is One of those Days
Vulnerable Post ahead:...
Today the world feels heavier. I've felt it's weight for a while. Some of it belongs to a soul that needs more attention than I'm giving it. Some of it belongs to a deep felt need for community that I don't feel I have right now. Some of this heaviness is my personality... I'm finding that I'm most healthy when there is stability in my life. Ironically it's what accompanies stability that is difficult for me as a creative ideas oriented guy. But I'm finding the wrestlessness that gives life to my creative, relational side of my life also feeds a dark side of my life when I feel unsafe. The main thing on my mind is money, income and bills that need to be paid. The Riddle Family is currently living outside our means and it's primarily my fault. I am struggling with God on some level about this. I feel like most of what the Riddle Group is doing is what I'm supposed to be doing. I know we are making a difference in the lives of teens via partnering with churches and pastors. I feel like the ideas are revolutionary to youth ministry rediscovering it's soul and supportive systems for youth pastors that the church has rarely seen. (of course everyone thinks their ideas are revolutionary don't they) But I am not a businessman. I'm not savy to marketing or image. In fact, I've spent much of my life running from dealing with perception and marketing. The rhythmn of business is feels foreign to me and while I'm learning it I still feel like I'm Animal in the Muppet band, beating drums like crazy, as fast and hard as I can, and missing the beat everytime. I also don't like to self-promote, which is obviously a problem for someone in the business I'm in. The Riddle Group doesn't advertise, mostly because I believe that it betrays something about the nature of the kingdom of God and what I think churches should be about. (This is the same reason I never asked the Jump5 kiddos to sign any autographs for me when I toured with them as their Pastor. It's hard to speak truth into someone life when you are asking for the autograph. It's hard to tell a church that relationships and evangelism are more important than advertizing.)
So I'm in a place where I could be wreckless. It's taking a certain amount of discipline not to become impulsive or throwing myself into constant activity (see the Animal illustration above).
As I'm writing this I'm wondering how it will be perceived. Will it hurt business? Should I write it? Will it help business?? Is that why I'm writing this? I hope not. I need to share this. I need to get this out there.
Today is one of those days, I guess.
Today the world feels heavier. I've felt it's weight for a while. Some of it belongs to a soul that needs more attention than I'm giving it. Some of it belongs to a deep felt need for community that I don't feel I have right now. Some of this heaviness is my personality... I'm finding that I'm most healthy when there is stability in my life. Ironically it's what accompanies stability that is difficult for me as a creative ideas oriented guy. But I'm finding the wrestlessness that gives life to my creative, relational side of my life also feeds a dark side of my life when I feel unsafe. The main thing on my mind is money, income and bills that need to be paid. The Riddle Family is currently living outside our means and it's primarily my fault. I am struggling with God on some level about this. I feel like most of what the Riddle Group is doing is what I'm supposed to be doing. I know we are making a difference in the lives of teens via partnering with churches and pastors. I feel like the ideas are revolutionary to youth ministry rediscovering it's soul and supportive systems for youth pastors that the church has rarely seen. (of course everyone thinks their ideas are revolutionary don't they) But I am not a businessman. I'm not savy to marketing or image. In fact, I've spent much of my life running from dealing with perception and marketing. The rhythmn of business is feels foreign to me and while I'm learning it I still feel like I'm Animal in the Muppet band, beating drums like crazy, as fast and hard as I can, and missing the beat everytime. I also don't like to self-promote, which is obviously a problem for someone in the business I'm in. The Riddle Group doesn't advertise, mostly because I believe that it betrays something about the nature of the kingdom of God and what I think churches should be about. (This is the same reason I never asked the Jump5 kiddos to sign any autographs for me when I toured with them as their Pastor. It's hard to speak truth into someone life when you are asking for the autograph. It's hard to tell a church that relationships and evangelism are more important than advertizing.)
So I'm in a place where I could be wreckless. It's taking a certain amount of discipline not to become impulsive or throwing myself into constant activity (see the Animal illustration above).
As I'm writing this I'm wondering how it will be perceived. Will it hurt business? Should I write it? Will it help business?? Is that why I'm writing this? I hope not. I need to share this. I need to get this out there.
Today is one of those days, I guess.
Labels: Family, Friends, Riddle Group
posted by mark at
12:27 PM
2 Comments:
I almost can't believe I'm suggesting this, but...
Have you thought about letting someone else do the managing? If I had to judge by your post, I'd say you're suffering from the classic problems accompanying a creative person's attempt to do business management. They typically don't mix well.
Just a thought.
Mark,
Let me tell you from a youth guy's perspective, you are doing great work for the kingdom and I have been encouraged and challenged by what you write. You are a pioneer and, because of that, you are lonely and maybe complacent. I say all of this because I know what it is like to be out there by yourself. Please keep doing this. It is essential for the church f the future and the youth ministries of the now that people are challenging the church on watered down, substance lacking, programmatic ministries.
Hang in there man, you are not alone.
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