Meet the Press

Flipping thru the channels this morning I found Rick Warren on Meet the Press. I thought it was a good interview overall. Recently Rick had a bunch of folks over to Saddleback for an AIDS conference. Singer Bono and Senator's Barak Obama Sam Browneback and others were there.

Here's part of the transcript from Meet the press. The part that stands out to me is the interaction at the end between conservative Browneback (and I'm guessing religious right member) and Barak Obama at the beginning of their talks.

"MR. RUSSERT: Embracing those with AIDS, even though she has strong feelings about homosexuality, you created quite a controversy last month when you invited not only Republican Senator Sam Brownback of Kansas to your church, but Barack Obama, the senator from Illinois who’s thinking of running for president, as a Democrat. This is the Christian News Wire, when Phyllis Schlafly and some other Christian leaders wrote to you, saying this: “We oppose Rick Warren’s decision to ignore Senator Obama’s clear, pro-death stance and invite him to Saddleback Church. If Senator Obama cannot defend the most helpless citizens in our country,” speaking about abortion, “he has nothing to say to the AIDS crisis. You cannot fight one evil while justifying another. The evangelical church can provide no genuine help for those who suffer from AIDS if those involved do not first have their ethic of life firmly rooted in the Word of God.”

I want to bring you to what happened at your church. Sam Brownback first said something—Barack Obama was there—you did not rescind his invitation—and responded. Let’s watch.

(Videotape, World AIDS Day):

SEN. SAM BROWNBACK: Welcome to my house. [at the beginning of his speech, to Obama]

SEN. BARACK OBAMA: This is my house, too. This is God’s house. So I just, I just wanted to, I just wanted to be clear. I hope, I hope you don’t mind that modest correction. [at the beginning of his speech to Brownback]

(End videotape)

MR. RUSSERT: A liberal and a conservative, both saying God’s house is my house."

Christmas Post #4

Last night Pam and I went to a Christmas Party, cowboy style. For my friends outside Oklahoma, "Cowboy" is not normal for much of Tulsa. Several years ago friend Chris Lagerlof (a native Californian)said that as he watched Joe Dirt, he thought of me and everyone in Oklahoma. uh huh. Believe it or not, I saw way more mullets in Michigan than I see down here in Tulsa, but then Michigan has Canada to the north, and nothing says mullet like hockey. :-)

Anyway, last night was the theme was a "Cowboy Christmas". Which for myself and my wife and our most of our friends means, it's basically a costume party. I don't own a Cowboy hat, or cowboy boots. I own one black shirt which has white thread holding it together which could be considered either, 05 hipster or 50's western singer. My wife is originally from Texas, which is something we don't bring up during football season in the house, but means that her parent's are essentially a pipeline for cowboy and western wear. She got a belt buckle and some other outfits to pick from. Though they only let her borrow one of their less refined cowboy hats, and then only after strict instructions on how to hold the hat and it's proper care.

I on the other hand abandoned the idea of going as one of the Brokeback Mountain cowboys with one of my best friends late in the game and decided to make a custom cowboy hat made from Christmas wrapping paper and a nativity scene gift bag for the top. It was nice. Me, Pam and the little baby Jesus went to the party together. I "won" worst outfit... even after I told them all that "you can't vote against the little baby Jesus on Christmas". They did anyway. It was a fun party. Maybe I'll see if I can find a pic to show.

Christmas Post #3 - Wish List

I have an inner turmoil that I'm unable to articulate. I'm starting this post in hopes that I can find some words for my thoughts.

Gift giving has become somewhat complex these days. Unspoken rules exist. The Wish List is a popular item this Christmas. Folks in my family send each other email with a list of items they desire to be given for Christmas. I suppose this is some kind of extension from of the ol' list you send Santa as a kid.

Dear Santa,

I hope you aren't sick. I'll be the North Pole is cold. I've been good.
Here's my list.

1. A Train
2. An official Red Ryder carbine action two-hundred shot range model air rifle with a compass in the stock and this thing that tells time.
3. A skateboard
Signed,

little johnny

You get the idea right?

So, this is cool for kids, but it's unnerving for me on some level as an adult. I should also say, that I'm not interested in this post becoming some kind of bash people who buy things, or who make lists. This is MY issue, and my struggle.

This year I've found that people (by people I mean my family) don't know what to buy me for Christmas. They ask me what I want and and I tell them that I don't know what I want, that I have everything I need. I tell my brother and sister that if they (and their significant other) would babysit 3-4 times over the next year that would be and incredible for Pam and I as we are bad about having date nights.

The response is, "We'd do that anyway" which is totally true of them. They would and have. But why can't that be enough? or Why don't they see that this is a significant gift for us as it feels like we are imposing on them to watch our kids?

Look I have a list of things I want, but they are all outrageously expensive things I can't afford. A new Macbook Pro. A dSLR camera. I don't need those things (though I could make a case for the notebook) I'm not going to ask someone to buy those things for me for Christmas. My family says I'm hard to buy for. I'm not sure what that means, expect that maybe they aren't sure if I have liked the gifts they buy for me in the past. But I have liked my gifts. Last year my sister and brother-in-law bought our family tickets to see "the Lion King" when it came to Tulsa. Amazing! Perfect! More than we could have ever asked for.

Here comes my conundrum.

I'm wondering if wish lists are short-cuts to us having to do the hard work of getting to know a person and what they actually would like and appreciate?

I'm wondering if we are far from christmas simply being a point in the year where other buy the stuff I want for me, rather than I buy it for myself? Is a wish list really just a shopping list for people who have too much already?

What role does advertising, and the ease of purchasing power like credit cards have on how we understand giving.

Is there anyway out?

I have this dream of everyone in my family making stuff for each other. My wife told me of a commercial she saw last week. A Christmas Tip from HGTV "Homemade gifts are great if you are 7. Buy something ...." you get the idea.

Not that everyone would actually appreciate a home made gift though?

As I'm reading back over this, this will likely make little sense... but it just some thoughts I'm having. My little family will continue to make calendars for the family with pictures of all of us on them and I'll continue and I have some other stuff I make each year. But this are the questions I'm asking this Christmas.

I'm not looking for you to solve this problem for me, but I'd love to hear if you've had similar experiences.

Christmas Post #2

"Those who believe in God can never in a way be sure of him again. Once they have seen him in a stable, they can never be sure where he will appear or to what lengths he will go or to what ludicrous depths of self-humiliation he will descend in his wild pursuit of humankind. If holiness and the aweful power and majesty of God were present in this least auspicious of all events, this birth of a peasant's child, then there is no place or time so lowly and earthbound but that holiness can be present there too. And this means that we are never safe, that there is no place where we can hide from God, no place where we are safe from his power to break in two and recreate the human heart, because it is just where he seems most helpless that he is most strong, and just where we least expect him that he comes most fully."

Fredrick Buechner, from "Secrets in the Dark"

Christmas Post #1

I have no words, but i found it interesting.

"Flora, a pregnant Komodo dragon living in a British zoo, is expecting eight babies. All of the eggs she is hatching were fertilised without the help of a male partner because Flora has never mated, or even mixed, with a male dragon."

Link

My Pastor the Bartender

One of my pastor's within the church I claim, but unfortunately rarely attend in mass, served his last drink as a vocational bartender. Kyle is hoping to spend more time working with the Rivendell community. It's always been cool to say that my pastor is a bartender, so I'm a bit disappointed to no longer have that little fact in my backpocket to drop on an unsuspecting local Tulsan. On the bright-side Kyle will still be serving drinks to his family and friends. It's a pretty bold move for he and his family to make and I'm excited to see what God does with this situation. Congratulations Kyle!

Quote for the Week:

"For every complex problem there is an easy answer, and it is wrong."

-- H. L. Mencken

(thanks to my pastor Steve of the quote.)

Trying harder:.

This morning I spent a couple hours painting a room in my friends Kerry and Randy's house as they prepare to adopt 5 siblings from Guatemala. I painted the room with another friend, who's been a youth pastor for 3 years. She was telling me about an experience she had 6 months ago, where a crisis occured that involved a secret parents meeting and some drama. It all unfolded while she was out of town and it took her by surprise. As she was telling me the story, she said something that jumped out to me. Something I can totally relate to, because I had lived it repeatedly.

To paraphrase her she said, "I just felt I had to work harder" after finding out that people didn't get what we were trying to do with the youth ministry. "I already was working sooo hard. I don't know if I could work any harder. But that's what it felt like I needed to do."

How many times have you felt this way. You experience a clash of expectations and there is drama. Emotionally you are spent. You want to do a great job, but somehow the are expecations of you, you didn't know about.
Deep down we want to meet people's needs. That's why we got into ministry. We want to help people, parents and teens. Of course it is God who actually helps people, but we get to participate in the journey in a first person kind of way. It's our hands, ideas and plans that are being played out and we hope that we are within the hopes and dreams of God as we do.

When drama comes, people are upset with you, your performance, your... inability to meet their dreams and hopes and it hurts. Our reaction is often like my friends. Like mine so often. I'll work harder. It's the ol' "What we need is a bigger hammer" sorta thinking. Sure I work 55 hours a week. I'll work 60, so I can somehow help these people, or maybe somehow show that I am worthy of being on staff to serve these folks.

This is generally when someone chimes in that we need to work smarter, not harder. Which makes me roll my eyes.

Working harder and working smarter both miss the point, but they are temptations we all fall into.

Why are these so often our default behaviors? Because they are within our control. We can actually change our effort and how we work. With the hope that somehow, maybe we just might be able to meet those elusive expectations our congregation might have for us.

Myth #1 -Why a New Youth Pastor isn't the Answer

Every week or so I talk to another church looking for a youth pastor. As I talk to the church's representative, generally a Senior Pastor or a "lay-person" leading the search, I have come to expect several things that are almost always true. "Almost" may be misleading though. Every church I have talked to so far has believed this myth and lived into it's subsequent behavior pattern! I say "almost" because I haven't personally spoken to all the churches in North America and I'm leaving the door open that churches don't always believe this myth.


Myth #1
If we just get the right youth pastor, that individual will lead us to a healthy youth ministry. The formula for this myth would be something like this:

Just the Right Youth Pastor = Success

The evil twin for this myth is: If we find the right youth pastor and he/she brings us the right program/vision then we will have a healthy youth ministry. That forumla might look like this:

Just the Right Youth Pastor + Just the right Program = Success

Of course success can be defined in a lot of ways. Because most churches are not very good at articulating what "success" actually is, it will lead to problems down the road. But that's another topic.

If things go wrong (maybe I should say when because something always goes wrong on some level) churches who believe this myth can only point to one reason. The youth pastor or the program/vision that the youth pastor brought us. (which still points to the youth pastor.) The formula for this?

Failure = The Wrong youth pastor

How might a church make this right? They get rid of the problem. And hire who they percieve will be the solution.

Of course by now the problem is a bit more complex. Aside from being simplistic it's goes a bit against what the church actually believes about faith and development. Maybe I'll find some time to unpack this sometime too.

The youth pastor, is rarely the answer to problems your congregation is having. don't get me wrong, I think that youth pastors cause plenty of problems for churches. Whether it be because they are immature, or undisciplined or they just do something stupid. But the real issue is generally not the youth pastor. (The church hired that particular immature, undisciplined youth pastor after all)

Rules of Systems Thinking being broken:

1.) There is no blame. Not in systems thinking. You can never point the finger at someone within a community without owning a part of the blame yourself. It's my experience that a vast majority of youth pastors are viewed on some level as outsiders to the congregation. I haven't thought much on why this is, but I'd be willing to bet that one of the reasons churches keep youth pastors at arms length (in almost every case subliminally) from being "one of us" is because leverage for influence changes dramatically when a church staff person becomes a percieved part of the community, rather than simply a staff person who loves the church. I will say that most youth pastors do actually want to be considered to be a peer to others in the community. Many (usually inexperienced youth pastors) believe they are "one of the congregation" and if the relationship changes to "staff person" it might accompany a great deal of pain for that individual rooted in feelings of betrayal.
The cure for this rule, lies within the churches relationship, and understanding of the youth pastor and more specifically, the individual you have hired. A book could be written on this one. So, I'll move on.

2.)Cutting a teenager in half does not make two teenagers. The integrity of decision making in your church is rooted in being able to see the whole of the interactions the church is making. This myth is rooted in the fact that most churches don't allow for many people to see the whole picture. They generally only see their part. Not seeing how everyone in the church is effected/affected by the youth pastor position and youth ministry leads to either reductionistic thinking (ie. A youth pastor will solve all our problems) or sectarian thinking (ie. The youth pastor will make the changes I want him/her to make)

3.) It gets better before it gets worse. That is to say, Often hiring a youth pastor actually works and seems to solve the problems the congregation has. Generally though, at some point in the future it will get worse than it is today. This is a particularly difficult point. The reason most churches believe the Myth that finding "Just the right youth pastor = Success" is because often in the short term it actually seems to work! A new youth pastor shows up and some of the success indicators for the church light up! Numbers may go up. Kids may be happy. Parent's don't complain as they get a feel for the newbie.

4.) All of these things within the local church are also influenced by (and also informs) the greater North American Church and culture.

What do you think? Have you seen this? Do you think I'm being overly dramatic?

Myth we believe and behaviors we live - Intro

I'm starting a series of posts on patterns of behavior I'm encountering as a consultant within churches. I'm hoping that this might be a helpful tool for folks to understand their current context and maybe give them some guidance as they love kids and families here in north america.

I'm using the term myth, because by and large these are accepted understandings churches have about staffing, youth minstry, youth pastors, and youth. These myth's are subtle and because of that can be a bit tricky to see. They are the water we swim in.

The reason it's so important to address these mythical beliefs is simple. They inform the cultures and expectations of our churches. Our systems are dramatically impacted by these false beliefs. More importantly these myths feed the dysfunction within the local church you and all your friends talk about.

Recently Added from iTunes

Chelsea Hotel No.2 (live)- by Rufus Wainwright - Leonard Cohen:I'm your man
Lessons Learned - Ray LaMontagne -Till the Sun turns black
9 Crimes - Damien Rice - 9
The whole Amos Lee (self-titled) album
Subterannean Homesick Blues - Bob Dylan - Bob Dylan's Greatist hits

A New Kind of Youth Ministry

So I recently received a copy of "A New Kind of Youth Ministry" by Chris Folmsbee from my friend John Raymond. (Thanks John!) I read this book in a few days and after reading it I feel like I need to say some things.

Disclaimer: I know Chris and consider him a friend, he is a very generous guy who has helped me out often bringing insight and support into my life.

So here are my thoughts:.

You need to read this book! This book is not simply good because of what it says, it is good because of where it is leading us. It is the first book pointing us to doing youth ministry differently. It is the first book I've read that is actually talking about taking us somewhere new. There have been plenty of books who talk about different kinds of youth ministry, not the least of them "Contemplative Youth Ministry" or "Practicing Passion" but they lack the idea of actually reculturing our church.

If you've been doing youth ministry less than 10 years, you need to read this book because it will put words to thoughts you've had about ministry.

If you've been doing youth ministry more than 10 years, you need to read this book, because you will want to pass it on to others. I'm starting to use this book with the volunteer teams I consult with.

Chris' thoughts on student leadership, missional thinking and reculturing are helpful in explaining how to move your church forward.

This book isn't great because it says it all or answers all the questions. This book is great because of what it has started. There will be hundreds of other books published rethinking youth ministry over the next 10 years.

If you've read it let me know what you think.

Jay Bakker has a TV show

It's on the Sundance Channel, which I do not have. so I'm downloading the iTunes version and will watch it soon.

UPDATE:
I love this show, though I can't completely put into words why I do. I met Jay, (that is we shook hands once) a year or two ago in Marko's suite at YS convention in Atlanta. Karla Yaconelli had visited his church earlier in the evening and had relayed (with much enthusiasm) her experience at Revolution. Jay showed up later in the evening. There were a lot of people there that night and I spent most of my time with other folks, but I for some reason I feel connected to this guy. I want to see him thrive. Thrive is probably not the word. Success isn't it either. I guess, I just want good for Jay and his family. Perhaps it's the pastor in me, knowing his past.

Vulerability is the word that stands out to me.
The scenes that at the end of the episode in Wisconsin are amazing based are are completely and refreshingly build on the Jay's life.


Also. I think that his story connects to so many folks I bump into every week. Folks who are trying to rid themselves of the demons of their past. Trying to make sense of their parent's faith and life. Trying to find a way to do church that feels honest to them. And Finding a way to do all this and support their family.

AND. Did you notice Jay holding a copy of Mike Yaconelli's book Messy Spirituality at the beginning of the episode?

I'm looking forward to seeing more of this show.

Posting more:.

I apologize for the lack of posts over the past few months.
I'm planning on posting a bit more here from now on. (Or until I need another break.)

No Travel (of the business sort) until Jan. 3rd.

2006 will be the year of travel for me. A few years ago I toured the eastcoast with the Jump5 kiddos, and traveled a ton for about 5 weeks. But 2006 has been crazy.

For folks who travel a lot, this might seem lame, but for me it's been crazy.
In just the past 3 months, I've been in the following airports.

Tulsa
Grand Rapids
Detroit
Cincinnati
Houston (hobby)
Houston (the other one)
Alberquerque
Cleveland
Washington Dulles
DFW
Charlotte

I've racked up almost 50,000 miles in the air and I'm tired of traveling. I've driven around 25,ooo miles related to work as well.

I'm so excited that I don't have to travel again until Jan. 3rd. With the expection of a trip to Dallas/ Fort Worth / Arlington after Christmas.

What do you want to know? How would you find it out?

So this morning I'm teaching an undergrad class at a local University for my long time friend Kerry Loescher. She's asked me to help these soon-to-be youth ministers develop some idea's about what they should be asking churches who are hiring them. I'll blog a bit after. But I'd love to hear your thoughts.

What are the things you have to know and feel good about before you are hired at a church?
What did you do to find these things out?

What are the issues that you will die for? (In other words, what are the things that are non-negotiable?)

What are the issues that are preferences for you? (Things you'd like to see but can live without if you have to.)

I'm off to teach!

Trying to Explain Systems Thinking in the Church:. Part 1

I'm often talking about systems within the church to leadership or other ministry professionals. Often they assume I'm talking about logistics or administration, which to be fair are a part of systems, but only a small part. So on my flight from Charlotte to DFW this weekend I decided to throw something together to try to explain it a bit more.

Case Study - You want to change Sunday School to another program in your church. The following list represents SOME of the parts of the average system. Do any of these sound familiar?

1. Mary is a 7th grader. Her parent's loved Sunday School when they were growing up.

2. Approximately 50% of the parents of kids your Sunday School want a break from their kids in the adult Sunday School class.

3. Influential congregation members believe Sunday School works and is the primary means by which "christian education" occurs

4. It's written in your Job Description that you must to have Sunday School and you must lead it.

5. Your congregation values parents and adults more than kids. They entice adults (giving units) by having a great children's minitry.

6. Complaints from parents are functionally considered a priority over biblical values. (or any values for that matter)

7. Values of excellence demand that Sunday School work very well.

8. Bill has been teaching 8th grade Sunday School for 15 years.

9. Your church is pround of points 7, 8, 23,40.

10. Your church has always done S.S.

11. S.S. works when you show a Nooma video, but they don't make Nooma videos fast enough.

12. Not doing S.S. means your church might have to think about why it does youth ministry.

13. Your church doesn't like to think.

14. The kids in SS feel entitled to be catered to.

15. Youth Pastors in your church have traditionally been very inexperienced.

16. The last 3 Youth Pastors tried to change SS and failed. (No one told you this until you had announced the big change to the congregation)

17. Joe, a committed volunteer, wants to change SS like you do.

18. Several parents secretly distrust Joe, for something you will never know about.

19. Because you trust Joe, some parents secretly distrust you.

20. Some of these distrusting parents serve in your youth ministry because of point 19.

21. Fear is a key motivator for parents in your youth group.

22. There's a lot to be afraid of in your city.

23. Your Senior Pastor doesn't think about youth ministry unless you bring it up or if there is a problem.

24. The church thinks that youth ministry is your job.

25. People, especially parents fear loss for their kids. Loss of opportunity, faith, relationships etc. This is strongly tangeble for them in your programming.

26. The church down the street has big attendance in SS.

27. The Music Pastor feels like all the churches musicians belong to her.

28. The Music Pastor has been on staff for 20 years.

29. The Senior Pastor is afraid of the music pastor.

30. Teaching SS is in your job description.

31. Every adult in your church used to go do SS.

32. A lot of parents remember a cool youth pastor in their SS class when they were kids.

33. Your church built SS rooms for your Middle School and high school students to meet in. They have the nicest white boards.

34. "Didn't the trustees just spend $3,500 painting and fixing up the SS rooms?"

35. For much of you congregation, if they can't see kids involved in ministry , the simply believe there is not ministry happening.

36. Kim and Brad only come to SS because they are sooo busy with school activities.

37. Some church members think you only work on Sunday mornings. Why would you want to cancel kid's church?

38. SS is perceived to be church for youth.

39. The church secretary told some parents that you are lazy because you are never in the office.

40. As the youth pastor you buy into 4, 7, 12, 17, 21, 22, 24 and 26 and you are largely unaware of the rest of the points on the list. But you still want to change SS because it's only a "small change" in your Big plan.

41. Your church leadership feels it has a very high value on teens and youth ministry.

42. Your SS budget is $20,000 a year. (that includes your FT salary)

43. You secretly feel inadequate about SS not working and your inability to make it work.

44. You secretly feel like the expert and everyone else is an idiot.

45. SS is one of the 2 things your church counts and equates with success. The other is the # is of people baptized.

46. You think the reason the youth ministry doesn't work is "them". Them = parents and other non-descript people who are working against you and God's plans.

47. Some older folks think teens will be fine regardless of the youth ministry you lead.

48. Your church loves to gossip.



Now here's where it gets fun.

If you are a youth pastor and you are looking at this list you likely have a few responses depending on your personality and a few other things.

1. "I give up" - It can't be done! I'm going to work for UPS.
The Result - You have an inner battle about your calling and it tears you up.

2. "Screw-up!" We're changing SS whether the people like it or not!
The Result - Bye Bye.

3. "I can methodically address each of these issues as tehey are revealed to me then we can change SS.
The Result: Partial change and frustration. What you don't realize is that the sum of these ideas, attitudes, perceptions, behaviors and beliefs actually form something of an eco-system for your church and how it works and how it understands itself. These are the norms of your church. Your church isn't simply 50 individuals / groups with perceptions. (though they are that.) Your church is alive like an animal that will fight tooth and nail to maintain the status quo. you can't change the church in a sustainable way without addressing the system. This is why The Riddle Group exists. This is why so many seminars you have the opportunity to attend are waisting your time.


more to come