The Hidden Secrets to Dialogue and her strange cousins:. Part 3
The Cousin with Big Ears
Remember that true dialogue is a unique blend of high support and advocacy with a high level of inquiry.
We've talked about the ugly cousin who observes while remaining silent, withdrawn, bystanding and sensing. This is low support and low inquiry.
We talked about the tall cousin who tells everyone what they think via dictating, asserting or explaining. This is high support, but low inquiry.
The Cousin with big ears is an ASKER.
The ASKER has a high level of inquiry as you can imagine. But they aren't really all that supportive. Have you ever encountered the ASKER?
The ASKER takes three main forms.
1. Interogating - "Why can't you see that your point of view is wrong?" This person inquires about your thoughts, but not for support. The interogator asks questions to debunk your thoughts and ideas. These folks are often wise enough to know better than not to ask questions, but hidden, sometimes masterfully, under the surface is an agenda. This is dysfunctional inquiry and is the ugliest forms of the ASKER.
2. Clarifying- "What is the question we are trying to answer?" This is sometimes a very helpful kind of conversation that has lost it's course, but when it occurs within a dialogue it actually deters the team from moving forward in the purposes of the group. Notice that this is not a supportive question either.
3. Interviewing - Exploring others' points of views and the reasons behind them. This might sound like a pretty nice option to some of my readers. It's not often someone actually asks you enough questions to get more than a bullet point or condensed version of your idea out and on the table. When someone interviews you it feels wonderful, but in a pure interview there is no advocacy or support for your ideas. The Interviewer remains objective leaving your ideas just laying there on the table with no legs. Interviews without advocacy and support there is no dialogue.
Tomorrow... we talk about actual dialogue.
Is this helpful? With no comments on this series, I'm wondering if anyone is reading them...
Remember that true dialogue is a unique blend of high support and advocacy with a high level of inquiry.
We've talked about the ugly cousin who observes while remaining silent, withdrawn, bystanding and sensing. This is low support and low inquiry.
We talked about the tall cousin who tells everyone what they think via dictating, asserting or explaining. This is high support, but low inquiry.
The Cousin with big ears is an ASKER.
The ASKER has a high level of inquiry as you can imagine. But they aren't really all that supportive. Have you ever encountered the ASKER?
The ASKER takes three main forms.
1. Interogating - "Why can't you see that your point of view is wrong?" This person inquires about your thoughts, but not for support. The interogator asks questions to debunk your thoughts and ideas. These folks are often wise enough to know better than not to ask questions, but hidden, sometimes masterfully, under the surface is an agenda. This is dysfunctional inquiry and is the ugliest forms of the ASKER.
2. Clarifying- "What is the question we are trying to answer?" This is sometimes a very helpful kind of conversation that has lost it's course, but when it occurs within a dialogue it actually deters the team from moving forward in the purposes of the group. Notice that this is not a supportive question either.
3. Interviewing - Exploring others' points of views and the reasons behind them. This might sound like a pretty nice option to some of my readers. It's not often someone actually asks you enough questions to get more than a bullet point or condensed version of your idea out and on the table. When someone interviews you it feels wonderful, but in a pure interview there is no advocacy or support for your ideas. The Interviewer remains objective leaving your ideas just laying there on the table with no legs. Interviews without advocacy and support there is no dialogue.
Tomorrow... we talk about actual dialogue.
Is this helpful? With no comments on this series, I'm wondering if anyone is reading them...
Labels: Riddle Group, Systems Thinking
posted by mark at
12:17 PM
2 Comments:
Ok Mark, I admit it, I'm reading. Unfortunately I'm seeing how I've been each of the personalities in some way at different times. I'm waiting impatiently to figure out how I can mend my messed up ways :)
I definitely do appreciate this. I'm planning to keep it all in mind as I begin teaching again this Fall, both in how I lead and in how the group interacts with each-other.
While some of this is common sense stuff, it's good to see it spelled out with great detail.
Thanks!
thanks Tom.
It is very helpful to know people are reading!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home